Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Cleveland Sucks: The Return of the King

RETURN OF THE KING: Miami Heat forward LeBron James returns to Cleveland to play the Cleveland Cavaliers tomorrow night, just five months after James announced his decision to leave his hometown team in favor of winning a Championship. (Photo from

SPORTS CORNER SPECIAL ARTICLE: Cleveland Sucks: The Return of the King
Miami Heat (10-8) at Cleveland Cavaliers (7-10)- Thursday @ 8PM EST at Quicken Loans Arena (Cleveland, OH) on TNT

Have you ever noticed that something so big was actually a ploy just to grab peoples' attention? Let's say that you were holding a nationally televised one-hour press conference/spectacle declaring your decision on where you will be next year. And then, when the hour is up, you made a decision to move to another city. After you made the decision, you make a commercial questioning your decision to stay or go. And then on the calendar marks a day in which you have to face the music for a business trip back to the city you left behind.

Since the one-hour spectacle to forget on July 8 (a future Bryan and Silver Garbage nominee) where James decided to leave Championship-barren Cleveland (which hasn't won a professional sports title since 1964), in favor of more greener pastures in sunny Miami, Clevelanders felt more betrayed and sicker to their stomachs than when Art Modell turned the Cleveland Browns into the Baltimore Ravens almost 15 years ago.

Now these days in Northeast Ohio, you don't see any James memorabilia wore proudly, as rabid, die-hard Cleveland sports fans now view James as a traitor. As the "Quitness" YouTube video suggests, "Traitors don't leave legacies." James is the all-time leading scorer in Cleveland, and all-time leader in steals. I don't view James' departure from Cleveland as a betrayal, but as a way to get out of a Championship-barren city that can't get it together. Art Modell left Cleveland and won a Super Bowl. Corey Dillon left Cincinnati and went to Super Bowl-winning New England.

James did the best thing for his career, because when the City of Cleveland wins another major sports championship, hell will freeze over. Everytime a Cleveland team has gotten to the big dance in the last 46 years, they've choked. Red Roll 88. The Drive. The Fumble. The Shot. Renteria. Clevelanders are reminded of this everytime they are taunted by fairweather Cincinnati and Pittsburgh-ers.
Here is another analogy: You have been in a marriage for seven years to a fairly attractive woman and have a couple of kids. The marriage is on the rocks, and now you are courting 29 other women, just in case things don't work out in your marriage. And then, you decide to hold a nationally-televised press conference spectacle and announce that you are leaving your marriage for another, more desirable woman. A few months pass after the ugly divorce, and now it is time to pick up your kids at your ex's place for visitation. Things are not going to be pretty, because your ex now wants to kick your ass for dumping her.
That is how Clevelanders feel after the press conference. They were so betrayed, that after James made a Nike commercial in which he questions his decision, Clevelanders made a lovely spoof of that commercial.
Tomorrow night will be a hectic night in the City by the Lake, as James and the Miami Heat (10-8) travel up to Cleveland and play the Cavaliers (7-10). The Cavs, who had the best record in the Eastern Conference the past two years, are gasping for life right now at 7-10, a sign in which James made a huge impact on the Cavaliers. When James returns, security will be very tight at Quicken Loans Arena, so that rowdy fans do not get out of control.

This could be an upset pick for the Cavs, but I don't think it's going to happen, because the Cavs don't have any big name players this year, and the Heat, they have three (James, Dwayne Wade, and Chris Bosh). Look for the Heat to scorch chilly Cleveland.

PICK- Heat win 105-85.

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